Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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