Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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