I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
