I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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