Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
