first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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