what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
