He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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