I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
