I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Screwed.edu
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
