the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
