I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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