ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
