At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
