whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
