You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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