Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
