I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
