We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
