i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
