he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
