If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
