Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
