So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
