It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
