can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
