We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
