At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
