My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
