So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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