I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
