I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
