Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
