she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
