my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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