So drunk, too bad you don't want this
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
