i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
