ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I checked into jail on foursquare
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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