i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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