is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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