with your own penis?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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