No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
