It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
