I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
