Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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