my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
