I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
