We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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