Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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