Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
