Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
