Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
