Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
