We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
