I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
