YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
