Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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