you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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