There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
