Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
