his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
